Posted to the PragProg January Magazine (PDF epub mobi) forum

re: Andy Lester’s NY Resolutions
I find that my sense of contentment rests on having a combination of hope for a brighter future, a reasonable plan for getting there, and and reasonable standards in what I consider success at any given stage.

Let’s say I hope and plan on having my dream job by the end of this year. But, by relying on an idea of ‘dream job’, I am setting myself up for disappointment. My standards are too high and not well-enough defined. I would better serve myself by making a goal that is more specific and attainable. For example, I may decide that my goal is to have a new job or be in a more marketable place through developing my Ruby on Rails skills and getting involved in my local community. And so forth.

I may then say, that I would prefer a place that is more challenging, more social, has more room for creativity, and is good for my career, at an acceptable salary increase. But of these wishes, how much can I ‘settle for’ or achieve and still be happy? Setting reasonable goals and standards is key to feeling content about my progress.

Lastly, the well-known axiom “How does a project get behind? One day at a time” has a reverse corollary—that I should try to make regular progress towards my goal before time slips away, one day at a time.

Note: This applies to any kind of goal, not just vocational goals. Having reasonable standards is the key.

When given a disappointing situation, there is more than one way to think about it, and hence, more than one way to feel about it and react to it. Rather than thinking about it negatively and feeling angry, I can, while still being disappointed, accept that I can’t always get what I want or that people can’t always live up to my expectations, embrace those limitations, and feel good about it.

Of course, that’s easier said than done, but the trick is to recognize that moment in the situation when my thoughts may automatically think negative, and then stop and think of the positive or more-balanced thought, and embrace that.